we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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