ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
