don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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