Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
