paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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