I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize