we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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