those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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