I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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