Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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