My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
