What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she smelled like a LAN party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
