I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
