I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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