eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
