He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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