You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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