i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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