would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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