I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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