areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
