so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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