Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
