dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
