Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
