It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
