I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
