so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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