I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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