i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
