I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
