I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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