WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
