I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
