There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
