nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
