haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
