I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
