Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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