Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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