This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
