We got so high we made milksteak
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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