Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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