Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
