What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
