Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
