just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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