yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
