If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
