i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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