Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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