dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sober January is a disaster.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize