so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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