The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
