My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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