Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
