Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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