dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
