I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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