Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Shame - the story of my life.
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