I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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