My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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